Ayurvedic Match Making


Have you ever wondered which body types go together well in a relationship? Match making is quite an intriguing topic when you consider all the qualities that are at play between the dosha types. Infinite scenarios pop into my imagination of opposites attracting or repulsing and similarities nourishing or consuming each other’s features. Yet, I can’t ignore the fact that there is something that can overcome all differences and similarities equally. There is something quite simple about the whole ayurvedic match making scene.

I’m going to start breaking that down from the basics.

As many of you know, ayurvedically, we consider people being a combo of three body types, or doshas, called vata, pitta and kapha i.e. wind, fire and phlegm respectively… WHAT!?? That doesn’t sound very scientific nor attractive!

But is is…. If you look at these words as metaphors, you see that wind causes movement, fire creates change and phlegm is like glue. It holds us together. Our bodies, functionally, are movement, change and cohesion. We could be talking about catabolism, metabolism and anabolism but never mind, let’s get back to our topic of relationships….

The most prominent dosha expresses its presence in physique. However, physique is not as important when it comes to hooking up with each other. It is the mental part, the psyche of each that defines the best match.

Where the mind is concerned, we are compartmentalising our individual features in sattva, rajas and tamas. A bit like vata, pitta and kapha but not quite. Together called gunas, they determine what mood we are in. Rajasic mind would be that of action: thoughts run. Tamasic mind would be still, like in that replenishing sleep or in that blissful millisecond during meditation. The mind oscillates between two opposite states. Sometimes its active sometimes it isn’t. The balance keeps us healthy. Where’s the sattva then?

Sattva, referring to balance and love, is like a superimposed setting on rajas and tamas. Action and inaction need to happen in harmony and controlled from a perspective of loving kindness. Sattva is not a state of mind on its own. It is either harmonious movement (sattvic rajas) or harmonious rest (sattvic tamas). We cannot exist in between.

Sattvic control is sometimes lost. We stop being nice. When we are challenged in any way, sattvic attitude helps us to monitor and evaluate the situation with reason and react appropriately.  But when sattva is lost and we lose our cool, reactions become disproportionate and damaging.

In social engagements we tend to behave well and maintain that sattva, ‘cos we like to be nice or at least, polite. But it so happens that occasionally someone can irritate the hell out of us and the cool is lost. Each of the dosha types would then start, at least in theory, behaving like wind, fire or phlegm….

Body types tend to behave in a similar way to their metaphor. Therefore, if you are a “windy” person, you would literarily move a lot. Vata folks like to express themselves in creative movement and often end up being artists. They are adaptable, curious and excited about everything.

“Fiery” folk burn bright. They are acute in mind and analyse and process information fast. Pitta’s are on top of their game of achieving what they want.

“Phlegmy” countenance promotes strong bonds. Kaphas stick solidly with their convictions whilst they express a motherly feeling of comfort and safety.

When vata people are controlled by sattva, they are a delight to hang out with, they have a sense of humour and creativity. When sattva is lost, they become needy, anxious, twitchy, garrulous and unbearably unreliable. Sattvic kapha and pitta could balance this unsteady lover but, if they also have lost it, kapha would withdraw in passive aggressiveness and pitta would get angry and shouty. Not a great match for vata in either of the cases.

Pitta folks are witty, they take action and can get loads done very quickly. They enjoy intellectual conversation and are quite passionate. They love vata because of the creative side that balances pitta’s regimental attitudes. Kapha gives pitta some cooling time and make them calm from their intense emotions. There is, however, the dark side of pitta which makes them a bit too intense and terribly irritable when sattva leaves the room. They judge, can’t take criticism and use attack as their defence. Not a good match for fragile vata nor resentful kapha. Or worse, another pitta!

When kapha is in balance they are supporting, protective, motherly, highly empathetic and solid in their beliefs. Perfect for a volatile vata, right? Not so when kapha withdraws from the world, is unresponsive, possessive and envious. Neither vata nor pitta wants to hang out with an uninteresting and sulking kapha.

Kapha folks would most definitely benefit from the company of a determined warming pitta to get them moving as they tend to be a bit too solid and grounded. Vata also helps them to feel blood running in their veins.

But, once pitta loses control they find kapha as irritable as hell in their slow pace. Sattvic pitta instead, is clever and has made a mental analysis to starts walking slower and softer and withholds the urge to lead and compete all the time.

I could go on and analyse all doshas under every gunic influence. However, the point is that every doshic type can be of both support and destruction to each other, depending on which gunic state they are in. When sattva rules, and may it rule forever, the combination of any dosha type becomes a celebration of each other’s unique and best features. In relationships, whether friends, family or lovers, the most important and the only important thing to remember is to practice maintaining sattva in movement and in stillness, in action and in inaction.

And lastly, we remember that no one is just of one dosha type. The combinations and permutations of each type are as many as there are humans. We are all a unique mixture of wind, fire and phlegm and it would be impossible to find watertight matches based on them because their good can turn to bad and ugly whenever sattvic control is lost. Any dosha type under the influence of sattva has the potential of turning the sattva back on in the partner and create a positive feedback loop where love shines brighter and brighter.

Reader Interactions

Leave a Reply

Subscribe To My Newsletter